Rejection...and Acceptance

No matter how emotional or stoic a person is, acceptance feels good, and rejection feels horrible.

We feel these things in so many areas of life. Were you one of the cool kids in school? Did that successful person accept your friend request? Did that cute girl say “yes” when you asked her out?

If we had complete control of everything around us, all of these things would result in us being accepted. We would all be at the table in the cafeteria with the in crowd. We'd have the rich and famous on our friend list. We would be dating whoever we wanted, because everyone was already accepting us.

But we don't have that, at least not all the time. We all face rejection. The cool kids laughed at us. Someone answered that friend request with silence. The cute girl said “no”.

Acceptance and rejection are also part of life as an author. Since I used self-publishing to produce The Pride of Central, I did not have to deal with rejections from publishing houses. But I have already faced it with readers.

It would be nice to believe that everyone I see face-to-face, all my Facebook friends and all my Twitter followers are going to buy my book. And while The Pride of Central has sold better than I expected, most of those people are not interested in it.

Rejection hurts. But it can hurt for only a moment.

When facing rejection, we have to remember a very tough lesson: rejection often happens for a good reason. That's tough to swallow when you have just been turned down, but it is true.

The cool kids were not in to the same things you were. The successful person valued privacy. The cute girl understood that you and her were not a good match.

Authors need to remember that even their best work is not for everyone. In my case, I had to realize that a book about a baseball team would not be for certain people - no matter how well I wrote it or how powerful the themes in the story were. Followers, friends, even relatives might not ever buy a copy of The Pride of Central because it is not the type of story they can relate to.

That's fine. As a writer, I want to reach everyone that I can, but not necessarily everyone I've ever crossed paths with.

Nevertheless, rejection sits there. I have to understand that there are many people, no matter how kind, saying they don't want to read what I wrote. For any writer, that can sting. So what can turn that rejection from a permanent scar to a brief discomfort?

Acceptance. Or, more accurately, understanding that acceptance is more powerful than rejection.

Rejection hurts, but if you can get past the pain, it really can't do anything to you anymore. Something you hoped for may have ended, but that is all. Someone may chose not to get my book, but they can do no harm to me or the novel. But if rejection marks the end of something, acceptance does the opposite. It either starts or continues something that you desired.

The cool kids rejected you, and that was that. But later on, you found a circle of friends from church who have accepted you, and you all have formed bonds that even time and distance will never break.

The rich, famous and successful did not answer your friend request, and it was done. But your college buddy is now releasing music online and building a following, and because he accepted you as a friend, he still private messages you his pictures and videos from the recording studio.

The cute girl never let you take her on a first date. But after a time, you found a woman who did accept you, and chose to share all of life with you.

If you find readers, even just a few, each one of them who accepts you and your story is worth more emotionally than all the rejection you face. Each reader is the beginning of a new relationship – or continuation of an old one. Two friends now are also reading and writing buddies, or two strangers now connect over the story you created.

Maybe you'll be one of the authors who can sell a book to millions. Or maybe you'll be trying just to get a dozen copies of your story out. But no matter which it is, focus on everyone who says “yes”. I can't promise how often acceptance will come around, but I can promise valuing each “yes” will help bring peace.

Next week: Nothing. I'm taking Easter weekend off.

Two weeks from now: Breaking into the majors...or minors