Taking criticism can be hard. There is little fun to be found in having your mistakes and shortcomings pointed out to you. However, it can be easier than taking compliments. At least, it has been for me.
From small things to a typo to larger things like a plot hole, when an error is pointed out to me, I know what to do next. Even if a sulk for a bit, I go back to the blog/article/manuscript in question and make the correction. I do not feel good about the mistake being pointed out, but I know how to react.
I do not know how to react to compliments.
Half of the difficulty in taking compliments is that I don't know what the next step is. Criticism points me to the next task. A compliment simply acknowledges what has happened. When I am told I wrote something well, my I cannot act on my instinct to improve what I have done.
This, of course, is not the intent of whoever gave the compliment. They want to acknowledge the writing (or whatever accomplishment it was) and give me a little self-confidence as a result.
And that leads into the second half of why compliments turn into a difficulty for me. I am very hard on myself – and I suspect this is a trait I share with many writers. We sometimes refuse to believe that we deserve the compliments we receive.
This is especially true of a writer when he or she is in the editing stage. The entire purpose of editing is finding flaws and fixing them, and manuscripts often need several phases of editing. It is a long time of looking for errors – errors that the author knows he or she is responsible for.
After months or maybe years of nitpicking one's own shortcomings, self-confidence can run low. We need a boost. We need some self-confidence. The problem is, when we hear the compliments, we don't believe them.
We believe everyone is just “being nice”:
They don't want to hurt my feelings by telling me how bad the story really was. They want to get on my good side for some other reason. They don't realize how good the book should have been.
It's true that some people will give empty compliments for these reasons. But mostly, when you receive a compliment from readers, they are not “being nice”. They mean it.
You, who had your first freelance sports article published: you don't know if the people complimenting you on your story really mean it or are just happy that their team won. Maybe some don't mean it, but many do. They aren't being nice: they are telling the truth.
You, who posted the first two chapters of your manuscript online: you don't know if the positive feedback you are receiving is serious. Maybe some people are just trying to get on your good side. But most aren't. They aren't being nice: they are telling the truth.
You, who has a 4.9 out of 5-star rating on Amazon for your novel: you don't know if your book really deserves that ranking. Maybe some of your readers do grade easily, but a story does not reach those numbers without honest reviewers supporting it as well. They aren't being nice, they are telling the truth.
We all need to hear those words of encouragement, but we also need to believe them. So go back. Find that email from your college friend who loved your first published story. Read the old direct message from your writing buddy, telling you that your story idea was brilliant. Just remember the first time someone walked up to you and said they love the way you write.
Be ready for the next compliment. Show gratitude. Take it in.
You are a good writer. Believe it.
Next week: You've heard it, now say it