Stage Fright

I have, on occasion, imagined myself as an actor. Not necessarily as a leading man or a memorable villain, but as someone who could get memorable bit roles, with just two or three lines in a television show or a movie. Or, more realistically, as a voice actor. I did like to try mimicking the voices of Megatron and Shockwave when I was a child watching The Transformers cartoon, and the thought of doing that for a living crossed my mind.

But anything beyond thoughts was cut off by paralyzing stage fright. I knew I had stage fright at a young age when I would have to say anything in front of my elementary school class, and that has never changed.

It turns out, I have stage fright as a writer as well, even though writers are rarely on a stage.

Although I am currently promoting my second novel, and have written for newspapers since 1997, I still remain afraid of putting my words and thoughts in front of the public. Thoughts ranging from "Will readers be bored?" to "Will readers be offended?" plague me for weeks on end. Based on what I've seen in writing groups, I am part of a large community of stage-frightened writers.

But a writer's stage fright is not limited to putting your ideas in front of people. Stage fright also comes when you are speaking to a group about your novels. I have never been on a stage talking about anything I've written. I did, however, speak on six radio programs and to five local organizations in person to promote The Pride of Central.

And I'm still just as nervous about it as I was about my third-grade show-and-tell.

Regular readers of my blog probably expect me to give some advice about how to eliminate stage fright about now. Or at least some words of wisdom about how to reduce the stress. The truth is, I don't have any. I had anxiety and self-doubt for each of those engagements. But I have no choice but to carry through with the writing and the promoting of the stories.

I have arranged for two radio spots and another speaking engagement for The Jewelry of Grace in the coming months, and I hope for more after that.

And come the end of the year, I hope to be starting the manuscript of my third novel, which I will no doubt panic over.

I just accept the fears will be there, whether or not the literal stage is. It's more important to get it done, even if you do have to do it scared.

Next week: A reader's perspective