Dealing with dishonesty

Something I've noticed since joining a few writing groups on FaceBook is that many authors really struggle when dealing with dishonesty.

Writers who work under a contract to a publisher become furious if their publisher misleads them as to what they are and are not entitled to. I can understand this, but I never experienced it myself.

But what I have experienced, and what many traditional and self-published writers have encountered, is the friend/co-worker/acquaintance who says they'll buy your novel when its published...and then never do.

I don't mean people who take their time to buy your story. There's no reason someone can't wait until the book has been out a while, or until the following Christmas, or whenever. And I don't mean friends who never said they would buy the book. Not everyone is going to be interested in your writing, and it's not dishonest to not buy something you never said you would.

The ones that hurt are the ones who said they would read your works when you get published and never meant a word of it. The people who tell you to your face or comment on social media when you are still trying to get the book out there that they would read it...and when the book is a reality, they never follow through.

It doesn't hurt because it is a missed sale opportunity. It hurts because it was dishonest. When someone tells a writer that they will buy the forthcoming book, it helps that writer face their own self-doubts. When that support proves to be false, it creates more self-doubt.

And the reason it creates self-doubt is the writer realizes these particular supporters probably did not believe the book would ever be finished. "I'll buy your book" actually meant "I don't actually believe you can finish a book". And it hurts, even after the book is written.

Letting the hurt become resentment and transform you into a cynic is not the best way to deal with the dishonesty you encounter. The best thing to do is find the opposite. Rather than dwell on those who could have helped you but didn't, focus on those who had little reason to support you but are holding your book in their hands.

Take notice of the individuals who you thought would never show an interest in your writing, but bought the book anyway. Maybe they aren't big readers in the first place. Maybe they only ever showed an interest in other genres. Maybe it was someone you did not know well so you did not expect their support.

But many authors do get that support from unexpected corners. If you can find even one case of that surprise support, return to that whenever you realize someone had been dishonest about your book.

Obviously, you're not going to be grateful for dishonesty.

But let someone else's dishonesty be an opportunity to remind yourself of all the people who have supported you. And then, your reaction can be gratitude.

Next week: Where everybody and nobody meet